THE SANDWICH IS REALLY A PANINI

If you have kids, any age or ages will suffice, and you also have aging parents, then you are an honorary member of the sandwich generation. No membership card is required, you know who you are.

If you’ve attained a certain comfort zone in life, hopefully enjoyed a good living, paid your bills, satisfied your obligations whatever they may be, and at the same time have watched one or both of your parents begin a gradual physical and mental decline, then in all likelihood you understand firsthand what it means to be responsible for both your kids and your parents at the same time. Thus, you and thousands like you are “sandwiched” in-between the two generations, including all the challenges and demands that go along with this interesting predicament.

Current demographics tell us that 47 percent of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent 65 or older while also raising a youngster or supporting a grown child. In fact, one in seven of these adults are financially assisting both their parents and one or more children, and the percentage is on the rise.

Needless to say, there are many varieties of the sandwich generation. You may have children under the age of 17 who are preparing for work or college, while your parents need minimal assistance with shopping or home maintenance. Or perhaps you have children who are in their thirties by now but need financial assistance with student loans or buying a home, while by now your parents require close supervision or assistance with medical visits, home relocation or modification, shopping and even cooking and bathing.

While the forces at play here are primarily stress related, statistics show that the financial burdens associated with being sandwiched between multiple generations is rising. You don’t have to have a degree in economics to feel the financial effects of managing your own finances, while at the same time making sure your children and parents are on sound footing as well. Here are some examples:

• Assisting our children with paying off student loans
• Assisting with the purchase of a first home
• Assisting with the cost of a wedding

And for our parents or other dependent relatives such as aunts and uncles, the costs could be more in time then dollars

• Arranging for personal assistance if needed for dressing or bathing
• Providing or arranging for transportation to / from medical appointments
• Arranging for grocery deliveries
• Assisting with financial matters, estate planning, insurance matters and medications

With Long Island being as expensive as it is, more post-college children are returning home to live with their parents until they can afford their own home or apartment. Estimates are that almost 30 percent of 25–34 year-olds now reside with their parents. Essentially this leaves parents addressing many of their children’s financial burdens in addition to tending to other responsibilities, such as planning their own retirement.

The “double duty” of helping our children while taking take care of our aging parents can become overwhelming. Thus, the sandwich is actually a panini, famous for being squeezed on both sides. As mentioned, these obligations can entail medical visits and tests, help with daily activities, overseeing personal care aides, paying bills and taxes and legal considerations. The toll is both physical and emotional on top of the ongoing financial concerns.

If you are blessed with grandchildren, and thus have assumed responsibilities unique to that role, while continuing to support your adult children and parents, then your sandwich has the distinction of being a “triple decker,” with one layer above and two below.

The good news is you’re not alone and there is support and advice available. In the next segment, we’ll discuss some strategies for navigating this difficult period.